The Courage To Be Disliked Summary & Quotes (2023)

The Courage To Be Disliked Summary

The Courage To Be Disliked Summary & Quotes: Have you ever read something so moving that you had to take a moment to breathe? Encountering such pieces of literature is uncommon but possible. The majority of self-help books have the most generic and obvious advice. On the contrary, The Courage To Be Disliked dives deep into the human mind and its psychology and digs into the actual reason behind our actions. The book offers valuable insights via a dialogue between a young man and a philosopher. Here’s The Courage To Be Disliked Summary for you.

The Courage To Be Disliked Summary

Alfred Adler : The Courage To Be Disliked

The Courage To Be Disliked solely focuses on the concepts developed by the founder of individual psychology; Alfred Adler. Alfred Adler was one of the most prominent psychologists of all time. He developed the theory of individual psychology and stated some unique concepts. Adler produced some revolutionary and controversial statements. He offered a different way to look at human behavior. He believed that trauma was a fabricated emotion to meet a predetermined goal. He came out with some distinctive theories and worldviews like the pursuit of superiority, separation of tasks, or community feelings.

Concepts Highlighted

The book begins with a troubled young man searching for answers. He visits a philosopher and demands answers. The young man has always been dissatisfied with his life. He has always been the average boy with no specialty, unloved by his father, and always ignored. He is unable to find joy in his life. He wants to live freely, change, and be happy. But doesn’t know how to? The philosopher puts up many theories to ease his pain, and even involves himself in a dialogue with him, to eradicate even a spark of doubt. 

Trauma Doesn’t Exist

Adler denies the existence of trauma. It is stated that we are the ones who give meaning to our past to achieve a predetermined goal. Adlerian psychology is all about what one can make of the given resources and not of the past. We hold our past incidents as an excuse to escape reality at times. He says that no incident holds such a great power over us, that we cannot change, we just lack the courage to do so.

Inferiority and Superiority Complex

Adler states that having a feeling of inferiority is okay. It is the feeling of inferiority only that motivates us to be better. To overcome that, one compensates for inadequacies by working. But when one lacks the courage to do so and falls victim to a permanent feeling of inferiority that develops an inferiority complex. 

The next step in the process is when one develops such a deep feeling of inferiority it converts into a feeling of superiority. For example- Bragging about one’s misfortunes. A healthy feeling of inferiority can motivate one towards the pursuit of superiority but an inferiority complex can make one believe either they are below or above everyone else. 

All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems

Throughout The Courage To Be Disliked it has been stressed that all problems arise from interpersonal relationships. Suppose a single man who never came in contact with fellow human beings lived on the earth alone. He wouldn’t be worried about work, money, status, etc. Similarly, an inferiority complex develops when we compare ourselves to others. This doesn’t mean one should not get involved in interpersonal relationships because it’s impossible to achieve as long as we exist. Humans crave a community feeling, and contributing to others can keep them satisfied. In conclusion, every problem is an interpersonal relationship problem. 

Separation Of Tasks

Adler offers a very peculiar concept called the separation of tasks. He states that one must not intervene in others’ tasks and also not let others intervene in their own tasks. How to know which task concerns me?

Who so ever will be affected by the result of the task, must concern with the task. For example, Your career choices will ultimately affect you, and someone’s addiction will ultimately affect them. So I should ignore whatever my loved ones do? Adler says that you must assist your loved ones, but not forcefully intervene in their tasks. Make sure they know that you are there for assistance but do not plunge yourself in. 

Desire For Recognition is Self-Centric

The book puts forward that people who are obsessed with a desire for recognition are self-concerned only. When one becomes obsessed with being recognized his happiness is no longer in his control. Others’ opinion becomes the source of his judgment about himself. They become obsessed with questions like ‘What do people think of me?’, becoming self-centric. Adler says one must do his life tasks without the desire to be recognized. 

True Meaning of Freedom

Freedom is being disliked by other people. Adler says that people who are affected and manipulated by others’ judgment and opinion and start conducting themselves in a way as to not be disliked live an extremely unfree life. 

As long as you’re unconcerned with others’ judgment, are ready to be disliked, and do not desire to be recognized you can live freely. Adler does not say to live in a way to be deliberately disliked. Separate your tasks and don’t let statements like ‘They should like me;, ‘Why doesn’t he like me?’, haunt you. Do your task without the desire to be recognized and the fear of being disliked.

Here & Now

The true key to happiness is living in the ‘Here & Now’. Life is made up of thousands of ‘Here & Now’. Adler emphasizes the need of living in the moment. Without thinking of the past or the future one must keep contributing to others. Past and Future are unfamiliar areas that must not be thought upon. Just live in the ‘here & now’. That’s the key to happiness. A person who lives in the ‘here & now’ without the desire to be recognized can live earnestly.

Being Normal

The book puts up the point of ‘Being Normal’ in the context of work alcoholics. Adler says that ‘Work alcoholics’ often are people afraid to be normal because they assign normality with incapability. They fear that their normal self won’t be liked, so they immerse themselves in work. It is not that they don’t have time for friends or other stuff, they just make their ‘Workalcoholism’ as an excuse to escape other responsibilities. Workalcoholism isn’t a healthy practice but an escapist behavior to be special.

Life is not a line

Often when we picture life, it shapes out like a line with a definite start and end point. Although, Adler states that life is a collection of moments. It is not a line but a collection of dots called here & now. The moments we live, the turns we take. Sometimes we also turn towards unfamiliar or unplanned ways but that too becomes a moment. When you start living life like a series of moments rather than a race with an endpoint, you gain the ability to live in the ‘Here & Now’. 

Meaning of Life

When the young man asked the philosopher about the meaning of life, he said: “Life, in general, has no meaning”. Whatever meaning life has, it is given by the individual itself. You are the only one who can assign meaning to it. When choosing the path of freedom, you might let lost. Look up to your guiding star which is the notion of “Contribution to others”. Do not think of the past or the future, just dance in the ‘Here & Now’. One must start without regard to whether are cooperating or not. 

The Courage To Be Disliked Quotes

The Courage To Be Disliked Review

The Courage To Be Disliked is a one-of-a-kind book. Introduction to Adlerian Psychology can be confusing and you might even be against many things mentioned in the book. Understanding the book might take some time especially if you have never been familiar with philosophy and psychology. The dialogue makes it easier to understand and grasp complex concepts. I would recommend this book to everyone and especially to people who have felt worthless or insecure. The concepts are hard to grasp but when you finally understand the depth of them, it will change you for good.

This was The Courage To Be Disliked Summary, Quotes & Review. A must-read for people who feel small in this big world. Make sure to add the book in your ‘Reading List’.

Conclusion

This was The Courage To Be Disliked Summary. In conclusion, The Courage To Be Disliked is a unique dialogue that produces answers to the most wondered question. The Courage To Be Disliked is a must-read for everyone and anyone irrespective of background, age, or work field. The dialogue helps the reader overcome their doubts and questions in a relieving way. The book might seem confusing at the beginning and you may get offended because of how the book calls people out for their misdeeds. It would take a lot of understanding, time, and self-introspection to grapes all the concepts. But once you do, you’ll never look at the world the same way.

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